God? A Woman? By Golly...Maybe!

I got this from my favorite forum

http://www.godlikeproduction.com/

and HAD to share this...it's soooo, uh, friggin TRUE!



I have Come To Believe that God is a Woman...

and She may have postpartum psychosis.



Adam and Eve:

“OK kids. Here’s a nifty playground to play in. You can do anything you want here. EXCEPT eat from that tree over there. The one with the snake in it. DON’T TOUCH THAT TREE!”(wait and lurk, wait and lurk)“HA! I knew you couldn’t do it! Get out of my house! Get out! *BAM* You both are ashamed of being naked! *BAM* Woman, you’re gonna bleed every month til the day you die! *BAM* You’re cursed with two sons, one of whom will kill the other! *BAM BAM BAM* Get out!Abraham:“Brahamie, sweetie. Do me one little itsy bitsy favor? Kill your son? Please? For me? Just knife him. If you love me, you’ll do it.(tense moments)“Bwaahahahahahaha! Just kidding. Stop now. Ha ha. I was just testing you to see if you were committed to this relationship.

Jesus:

“OK, sweetie. I’m going to send you down to that hellhole. You’ll be born in a barn with a child as your mother and an old man as your father. You won’t get to live very long. Not even as long as your foster parents, because them’s crazy folk down there. They’re gonna beat you and cut you up. Gonna string you up and nail you to a telephone pole. And I’m gonna let ‘em, cuz I love you so much. Always remember, this will hurt me more than it hurts you.

Noah:

“Here’s the skinny, Noah. You need to build this big-assed ship to my exact specifications. It has to be exact. EXACT. You hear me? You need to stuff it full of animals and stuff. I can’t say I’m happy about it, but I guess you can take your family, too. Get on the boat and stay there because I’m going to kill everyone else in the world. Everyone! You hear me? EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!”

ROFL x 3